Inagural Banjo Concert

Salz relayed the following story to me and I felt it was entertaining enough to translate:

So at my banjo lessons, my teacher starts our conversation like so:

"I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be "no," but I'm going to ask anyway. would you be interested in playing something for the Christmas concert?"

(Long pause, accompanied by a look of shock) Uhh, like in front of other people? How many people? Where is this going to be at?  When? Am I the only performer over the age of 6? Are you sure you want me to play something in front of people and you need to acknowledge that I am your student?

Salz "Do I have to answer right now or can I think about it and get back with you?"

Teacher "Sure you can think about it. We would need to know by next Friday, so you can let me know next Wednesday. We can pick out something to work on. I think Joy to the World sounds really good on a banjo."

Salz "Yeah, I think I want to think about it first and actually be able to play something appropriate for a Christmas concert."  Somehow the murder ballads we've been playing for months just don't seem like they'd fit.

So, he proceeds to play Joy the World while I am recording it on my MP3 player to listen to and copy later. Again he reiterates my need to sing while playing to help me keep the beat.  I want to reiterate that I can't tap my feet and play banjo at the same time much less sing while playing banjo.

Jump forward 3 weeks and it's the Wednesday before the Friday concert. He hands me a flyer - invite your family and friends he says. I surely will. This is a great opportunity for them to support me in something. It's not like they can go to school with me and cheer me on while I stack and sort books in the library....They could enjoy a good Christmas concert. Oh, it's a fundraiser and it costs money? I'll have to warn them... $10, really?  There had better be some talented 6 year olds there!

I could even step it up a notch and throw in some fun dance moves. Mostly to distract from my inability to play Joy to the World with a consistent beat. If you can't sing along or recognize the tune at least I could get a giggle or two for being shamelessly bad, right?

Now it's Friday. My school day was so draining and frustrating I didn't even think about the concert until getting home. Now I'm sweating bullets and my face is bright red (when I'm hungry, hot or nervous). My dear friend and favorite cheerleader Pheffer takes me out to dinner and drives me to the concert "hall." I go in and notice no sense of organization and realize my teacher never told me if I should be there early, or when I would be in the schedule or if I should be backstage or in the audience? I've never been here before anyway... I find a program and see my teacher's name. OK, I'll go up with him and his other students. Makes sense. As we enter the audience, someone grabs me and asks if I want to be backstage with the others (I guess she noticed the banjo on my back). 

Salz - OK.

I try to pay attention to how we get backstage so I can find my way out again (It should be noted that I am notorious for getting lost on my way home). Backstage is like a crowded basement full of people I've never seen all showing off how well they can jam on their acoustic instruments including some small children. It takes me awhile to find a corner where I can unload my banjo and tune it in secret, avoiding eye contact.  

I'm not going to be able to sit here for an hour waiting for my turn. I can't even here the other performers. This sucks. I want to be in the audience. I think that will calm my nerves more than sitting here, staring and sweating. I do find my teacher and he says I should go watch the performance and I'll have plenty of time. I find some family members and sit with them.

I notice that the teachers of the academy show off their talents then have some students perform. Makes sense. There was a really cute 6 year old that sang and played Red River Valley on a violin. I'm totally intimidated, by a 6 year old with a red bow in her hair. I should just go home and practice for 2 more years.

So it's about 2 hours later (yeah, couldn't tell by looking at the program) and it's the last group before my teacher. I decided it's time to go backstage and prep. I say something to my teacher, "Should I get ready?"

"Yeah, get ready to get out there."

So I practice a little, getting really tense now. Notice someone else is there with a banjo! How exciting among the sea of guitars. I say something about it being nice to see another banjo. So we share banjo stories and he says he goes with his daughter to the beginner jam sessions (coming up next to perform). That's cool. 

I'm sweating like a man, that's not cool. So the jammers go on, and I watch from the side stage quietly. A stage manager, says "go on out there."

Salz "Oh no, I'm not with them.

Stage mgr "Well, do you know when you do? Are you on the program?

Salz "I'm one of his students. So I think I would go on next right?

Stage mgr "I don't know. You'll have to ask your teacher."

Makes sense. My teacher has just come off the stage playing his numbers. So I approach and ask,

"So Jim, what time do I go on? After the jam session group?"

Teacher "Oh, were you going to play something?"

(pause and look of shock) "Yeah, I was."

No, actually I have been here for 2 hours to support you and I brought my banjo with me so I could get in free. Really?! We were just talking about this WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he said anything back to me I don't remember what it was. I was needing to walk. So I am side stage with the manager again.

Stage mgr - "Well did you find out when you need to go on?"

Salz "Actually my teacher didn't know that I was playing so I'm not in the program."

Stage mgr - "Oh, no! well just go out with them (beginners jam session still setting up on stage)."

Salz - "I can't. I'm not part of that group and I don't know how to play that song."

Stage mgr - "Oh, you'll be fine you can just stand and smile and it will be fine."

Salz - "No. I only know one song."  And I'm not going to stand there and I definitely would not be smiling.

It was time to load up the banjo and leave. I told family members through texts that I owed them $10. So, they still wanted the concert they paid for. They got a private one. Theretofore I declare: All banjo concerts from here on will be private, include lots of "dance moves" and FREE. 

A still image from Salz's private concert