Merry Christmas

Christmas gift wrapping episode 3.

How to Dump a Banjo Teacher

Sometimes, you realize that what you have is not what you need. I wanted to learn how to play a certain song and come to find out it's not the right style of banjo my teacher knows....Well, why am I still here then?


Sometimes, you realize there are only 10 minutes left in your lesson and you haven't played your banjo yet. Have we been totally off-topic for 20 minutes? I'm pretty sure I didn't bring up Minnesota winters. I'm not paying $20 to hear about that...Well, why am I still here then?


In order to minimize confrontations, finger-pointing and burning bridges, keep the focus off the teacher:


It's not You, it's Me
I've really wanted to learn how to play this song that you said is in the bluegrass style and you said that you don't really know how to play bluegrass style. I'm thinking I might switch for awhile to learn that style so I can play that song.  I also wonder if my piano playing history might not be better suited to bluegrass style (important to mention in case I don't come back)...


Old Fashioned Gentleman's response
If that's what you want to do. You should do it.


Ask Them to Leave the Back Door Open
All I really want to do is play the banjo. If something happens or it doesn't work out with the other teacher...I might come back...(important to mention in case I do come back, or want to come back)...

Inagural Banjo Concert

Salz relayed the following story to me and I felt it was entertaining enough to translate:

So at my banjo lessons, my teacher starts our conversation like so:

"I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be "no," but I'm going to ask anyway. would you be interested in playing something for the Christmas concert?"

(Long pause, accompanied by a look of shock) Uhh, like in front of other people? How many people? Where is this going to be at?  When? Am I the only performer over the age of 6? Are you sure you want me to play something in front of people and you need to acknowledge that I am your student?

Salz "Do I have to answer right now or can I think about it and get back with you?"

Teacher "Sure you can think about it. We would need to know by next Friday, so you can let me know next Wednesday. We can pick out something to work on. I think Joy to the World sounds really good on a banjo."

Salz "Yeah, I think I want to think about it first and actually be able to play something appropriate for a Christmas concert."  Somehow the murder ballads we've been playing for months just don't seem like they'd fit.

So, he proceeds to play Joy the World while I am recording it on my MP3 player to listen to and copy later. Again he reiterates my need to sing while playing to help me keep the beat.  I want to reiterate that I can't tap my feet and play banjo at the same time much less sing while playing banjo.

Jump forward 3 weeks and it's the Wednesday before the Friday concert. He hands me a flyer - invite your family and friends he says. I surely will. This is a great opportunity for them to support me in something. It's not like they can go to school with me and cheer me on while I stack and sort books in the library....They could enjoy a good Christmas concert. Oh, it's a fundraiser and it costs money? I'll have to warn them... $10, really?  There had better be some talented 6 year olds there!

I could even step it up a notch and throw in some fun dance moves. Mostly to distract from my inability to play Joy to the World with a consistent beat. If you can't sing along or recognize the tune at least I could get a giggle or two for being shamelessly bad, right?

Now it's Friday. My school day was so draining and frustrating I didn't even think about the concert until getting home. Now I'm sweating bullets and my face is bright red (when I'm hungry, hot or nervous). My dear friend and favorite cheerleader Pheffer takes me out to dinner and drives me to the concert "hall." I go in and notice no sense of organization and realize my teacher never told me if I should be there early, or when I would be in the schedule or if I should be backstage or in the audience? I've never been here before anyway... I find a program and see my teacher's name. OK, I'll go up with him and his other students. Makes sense. As we enter the audience, someone grabs me and asks if I want to be backstage with the others (I guess she noticed the banjo on my back). 

Salz - OK.

I try to pay attention to how we get backstage so I can find my way out again (It should be noted that I am notorious for getting lost on my way home). Backstage is like a crowded basement full of people I've never seen all showing off how well they can jam on their acoustic instruments including some small children. It takes me awhile to find a corner where I can unload my banjo and tune it in secret, avoiding eye contact.  

I'm not going to be able to sit here for an hour waiting for my turn. I can't even here the other performers. This sucks. I want to be in the audience. I think that will calm my nerves more than sitting here, staring and sweating. I do find my teacher and he says I should go watch the performance and I'll have plenty of time. I find some family members and sit with them.

I notice that the teachers of the academy show off their talents then have some students perform. Makes sense. There was a really cute 6 year old that sang and played Red River Valley on a violin. I'm totally intimidated, by a 6 year old with a red bow in her hair. I should just go home and practice for 2 more years.

So it's about 2 hours later (yeah, couldn't tell by looking at the program) and it's the last group before my teacher. I decided it's time to go backstage and prep. I say something to my teacher, "Should I get ready?"

"Yeah, get ready to get out there."

So I practice a little, getting really tense now. Notice someone else is there with a banjo! How exciting among the sea of guitars. I say something about it being nice to see another banjo. So we share banjo stories and he says he goes with his daughter to the beginner jam sessions (coming up next to perform). That's cool. 

I'm sweating like a man, that's not cool. So the jammers go on, and I watch from the side stage quietly. A stage manager, says "go on out there."

Salz "Oh no, I'm not with them.

Stage mgr "Well, do you know when you do? Are you on the program?

Salz "I'm one of his students. So I think I would go on next right?

Stage mgr "I don't know. You'll have to ask your teacher."

Makes sense. My teacher has just come off the stage playing his numbers. So I approach and ask,

"So Jim, what time do I go on? After the jam session group?"

Teacher "Oh, were you going to play something?"

(pause and look of shock) "Yeah, I was."

No, actually I have been here for 2 hours to support you and I brought my banjo with me so I could get in free. Really?! We were just talking about this WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he said anything back to me I don't remember what it was. I was needing to walk. So I am side stage with the manager again.

Stage mgr - "Well did you find out when you need to go on?"

Salz "Actually my teacher didn't know that I was playing so I'm not in the program."

Stage mgr - "Oh, no! well just go out with them (beginners jam session still setting up on stage)."

Salz - "I can't. I'm not part of that group and I don't know how to play that song."

Stage mgr - "Oh, you'll be fine you can just stand and smile and it will be fine."

Salz - "No. I only know one song."  And I'm not going to stand there and I definitely would not be smiling.

It was time to load up the banjo and leave. I told family members through texts that I owed them $10. So, they still wanted the concert they paid for. They got a private one. Theretofore I declare: All banjo concerts from here on will be private, include lots of "dance moves" and FREE. 

A still image from Salz's private concert

Top Running Scenes

I'm not a runner or much for drama, but a good running scene can really make a movie.

 these get my votes for:

Best Running Scenes in a Movie

Forrest Gump - He's so intense he needs people to tell him to stop.

When Harry Met Sally - He wants to see her, RIGHT NOW, so he runs across New York on New Years Eve. Totally believable and the only time you will ever see Billy Crystal run.

Braveheart - They are running towards men with horses, that takes guts. Scottish guts.

Napoleon Dynamite - Well, it's not here for it's dramatic impact.

Stardust - You get to see character and running skills development.

Crocodile Dundee - You have to wait until the end of the movie but it's classic and the only running scene without shoes.

Running Scenes Not making the list:

Dear Frankie --Still a great movie, but lackluster running skills.
Chariots of Fire -- really it feels like the movie is 3 days long...I have friends that love this movie and I'm not saying it's not a great movie, but that's 3 days of my life I will never get back.

How To Have a Gnome Themed Birthday Party

Vampires are so yesterday, so you'll want to file these ideas away for your trendy friends, knowing I did it first. Or honestly, my trendy and creative friends did it for me.

You start with the cake, but since gnomes are small you should use "baby cakes" or "little cakes" more commonly known as cupcakes. Decorate them as mushrooms and place a cut out gnome on top of each mushroom.

Delicious but requires some sick scissor skills.

 In order to compliment that, you need to wrap gifts with the theme too.

A banjo only makes it better.

 Make sure there is plenty of juice to go around for all your guests.

 Allow a little time for relaxing reading with this gift. And there you have it.

Debt Free

My birthday present to myself.

McGyver-Like Tips

Need to set up stakes for a Garage sale but forgot stakes?  No worry, use pens!

 

Traveling a long distance and need to keep your root beer cold but no cooler? No problem, use a water sweeper base!

Need to start over on a failed crochet baby hat project?  Just pull it loose.

 

It might take awhile, though. Patience...

Want to go camping and have an all nighter watching Parks and Recreation Season 2? Simple solution= Camping Plugged in.

Need to run errands, want to save gas and still take your dog with you? No problem, you can take your mo-ped and put your dog in your backpack!

 

That last idea was not an original one.

How to Slice a Banana

You need to start with a sharp knife, a ripe banana and a cutting board. 

Take your banana and chop off the ends.  This simplifies removing the peel.

See?

Now for the most important part, slice into the banana at an acute angle.

Actually, not as acute as it should have been, but you get the idea right?

 

This gives you longer slices of bananas and they just look so fun! Now add chocolate and some ice cream.

Taiwanese Down-Home Cooking

Don't know how to?  Here's the perfect solution.  First you need to find someone from Taiwan, which is easy to do in a college town. Then you need to let them move in with you after their lease it up, provided they do the cooking until they have a job opportunity out of state and have to move away...

Hot and sour soup--the only thing right out of a package

Green bean sprouts, turkey burger and other surprises

zucchini and ground turkey burger with chili pepper

Broccoli with sesame oil and garlic

Yumm...It was the most delicious 2 weeks of my life.

Moving In, Moving Out

It is the season for moving and that is as good as time as any to clean out some areas, because you can ALWAYS get rid of stuff you don't need. Here's the right way to do it.  You will need 3 bags. One bag is for trash, one is for giving away and one is for what you will be keeping.

 

The next step is to identify a room or area you desire to reorganize, clean out, etc. Start small so you do not overwhelm yourself.

A good small start would be this corner shelf area.

This is another corner shelf that needs attention

Also the bathroom gets crowded so quickly, so add that to the list.  Now that we have some areas to tackle, it is important to be in the right mood to get rid of stuff.  If you are not already, you can watch an episode of the show Hoarders. That will do it. So start throwing stuff away and giving it away by asking yourself the question: "What would I do if I didn't have this?"

This is really effective especially when you come across things you didn't know you had.

 Do not be discouraged, when you are getting organized you will have a bigger mess for awhile.

 

Proof that it pays to get organized, I found a $5 bill! A Christmas present I put in a weird place.

 

 

Now the end result. How satisfying.

I was able to empty the right side of the bathroom sink completely.

 

And changed how things are stacked in the corner shelf.

 

Anyone Read Hie-ro-glyph-ics?

Anyone?

We met some folks that felt compelled to give us a gift which they had picked up while in Egypt (yeah, not making that up). Brilliant colors and on papyrus. That's all I can tell you about it. I wasn't sure about asking them if they knew what it said. Pretty sure they did not speak Egyptian.  But maybe someone out there does?

I would want to know what it says before framing it and mounting it on a wall right?

 

The Truth Hurts

Banjo Lesson #11 Flailing the Hands

In order to play really really fast, you have to master the correct way to frail by using your hand to literally claw at the banjo strings which feels as out of control as it sounds.  After all this time I have still not mastered this technique.  So each lesson we spend some time practicing different strategies, 

1. Waving bye-bye like toddlers do.
2. Winding the wrist back and letting it fall on the banjo.
3. Flailing my right hand as if I have more than a few loose screws...I tell my teacher, I am going to be doing this all the time now.

"I can tell people they can't make fun of me because I'm actually learning how to play the banjo."

My teacher says, "No, after you tell them that, then they will make fun of you."

Cleaning out the Fishtank...For the Last Time

So when all the fish die, and you don't want to buy more. It's time to give away the fish tank. Not in it's current condition, so here' how to clean it out completely.

Gather the fishtank vaccum to reduce the water to 1/2 level. Using gravity to Drain the dirty water into a bucket.

Until your bucket is full of water.

Take it to the dump.

No, this kind of dump.

The next step is to scrub the sides with the tank scrubber to remove the calcium deposits and algae growth.

The brush needs to be wet and kept wet to keep from scratching the glass.

Scoop out the gravel. It might have another purpose.

6 square inches of mulch?

Remove the plants. If they're super nasty, they're not worth keeping.

Now all that's left is some serious calcium deposits near the top.

Yuck.

Tough jobs call for tough stuff like bleach or vinegar. Since the smell of bleach makes me gag, I chose vinegar.

45 minutes later...Better, but not gone. I think it's good enough for a garage sale.
 $1 in my pocket.